To give up control

i wish I could offer solid advice to people on how to be happier. honestly, I don’t understand it myself. i find myself crying again for the billionth time this year. yes, I feel as if I’m aware that there are things I could do to make myself feel better. but, I honestly don’t understand why at some points. i’ve tried the method of control over my emotions. that just seems to lead to suffocation of who i am.

i think the most interesting thing about my personal development journey is that i’ve given up trying to impose a new personality on myself. i’ve given up trying to control the change. instead, now i’m picking a path of accepting the instincts already inside of me. i needn’t subscribe to an identity when there is already one present inside of me.

so now, i watch myself. i watch as my identity reveals itself in the actions I take in a moment.

i’m frighten with this process. it may be the only fear i actually know now. what do I actually do when I begin to release the constraints? how will the world around me respond? is this unfolding person inside of me acceptable?

there is only one way to find these answers.