a seed planted deep in the heart

planted deep in the pumping red
nestled away, hidden
life

a maze and mirrors
reflecting the reflections of reflections that reflect
infinity observed by uncomprehending
a conversation of fuzzying light bouncing back and forth
truth obfuscated in plain light
all the mirage
all the bullshit
senseless illusion battle
victors emerge
truth shatters the mirrors of illusion
truth remains hidden

you protect and in doing so you cage me
i feel constant disapointment to you
i feel not good enough
i’m a child

sludge filled shoes fill the thoughts of my mind
stepping closer to you and you may help me
stepping closer to you and i may hurt you
stepping away because i’m not worth it
diseased and broken
run away from me please

loved filled arms a distant memory
fading in the depths of my mind
the terror rises
a bad trip
alone with no one but myself to help me
no trust in myself
i hide and cower

the dagger has my name on it
the dagger to dig a wound so deep
night after night it stabs and twist
a trench created
a deep hole to exist
a reminder i can never forget
my suffering is eternal

these vibes do not suit you yet you can’t forgive yourself
the only person that will punish you is yourself
where is the voice of compassion now?
where is the compassion for yourself?
the judge’s hammer has fallen
struck deep into your soul
compassion whimpers

your true colors really show
the cruelty you possess
pulling away everything that really matters
nothing is left for you to do except suffer

why do you go down this path
why do you choose the pain if you teach forgiveness
why can you not forgive yourself
you don’t trust you will learn without the pain?
you don’t trust others can learn without the pain?
burn yourself if you must
burn yourself if you find that is the only way
remember though
you can only hide in your pain for so long
you have work to do that you can’t escape