I hear “blah blah blah” in my mind more frequently when I listen to presenters or read blogs. The thing is this : I’ve heard a billion opinions about the world. I’ve been told that I need to do A to obtain B. And you know what? I’ve also been told that C will obtain B. Or that A will actually obtain D.

There is a great variation of truth about the world! Ultimately it’s all noise from the real truth : Your own experience. Go out and test the world. That is when you’ll discover what is real and what isn’t. Screw the opinions of everyone else. Screw what they say. Discover for yourself what is real.

i wish I could offer solid advice to people on how to be happier. honestly, I don’t understand it myself. i find myself crying again for the billionth time this year. yes, I feel as if I’m aware that there are things I could do to make myself feel better. but, I honestly don’t understand why at some points. i’ve tried the method of control over my emotions. that just seems to lead to suffocation of who i am.

i think the most interesting thing about my personal development journey is that i’ve given up trying to impose a new personality on myself. i’ve given up trying to control the change. instead, now i’m picking a path of accepting the instincts already inside of me. i needn’t subscribe to an identity when there is already one present inside of me.

so now, i watch myself. i watch as my identity reveals itself in the actions I take in a moment.

i’m frighten with this process. it may be the only fear i actually know now. what do I actually do when I begin to release the constraints? how will the world around me respond? is this unfolding person inside of me acceptable?

there is only one way to find these answers.

You look at my words
But, do you see behind them?

These words mean nothing
Nothing!
They are but a spectacle for you to see
Rambling Rambling!

There is spirit you see
There is something so much more grand
It’s the space between the words
Find the essence

My RSS reader this morning contained a wonderful post that touched me with it’s authenticity. In a moment I felt connected to this person merely from the words he typed. An odd thing happened through when I clicked on the link in my RSS reader to post a comment. The page was no longer there. Curiously, I checked out the front page of the blog to see the post was not on the front page either

*sighs*

This page was removed because this person was afraid to express the authentic self he had accepted in a moment. The post contained a proclamation of thoughts, feelings, and impulses that may not be societally accepted. These are scary things to talk about sometimes. I mean what happens when we expose these possibly unacceptable aspects of ourselves to others?

The answer to me is frequently unknown. I say this because I find it impossible to distinguish projections of my own fears to that of actual consequences. I’m actually uncertain as to weather it’s society that limits my expression or if it’s my own fears.

I’ve got no answer and I’ve spent too much time thinking about this. I’ve decided to simply keep increasing the channels in which I can express myself regardless of consequence. I’m thinking the key is baby steps. If I happen to cross some boundary I’m unaware of then there should be someone there to smack me back in place. I can live with this.

Now this is working for me at the moment, however I still have much sympathy for those that haven’t found a way. Authenticity is an expression of our actual self. When we are authentic, we are most true to ourself. How can we expect to grow if we are not authentic?